High Five For Friday

1) My Polar FT4 heart rate monitor came in! Ahahahahaha I'm so excited! I've been making progress with my health goals by eating clean and just recently started working out at Planet Fitness with my friend. We've been going at 6 in the morning. This is an amazing feat for me because I am definitely NOT a morning person and I am convinced that it is due to the eating clean. I mean I pop out of bed at 5:20 am with nary a sigh whereas before it was hard for me to wake up at my normal 7am. My first time working out I ran 2 miles right off the bat. It just blows my mind what healthy eating can do. ANYWAY, I really wanted to have an accurate reading of how many calories I was burning and when/if I was in my fat burning zone and this really does the job! It's just one more thing keeping me motivated and I can use all the motivation I can get!

2) It was a good mail week and also a testament to my spending this month (yikes!) but anyway my Jamberry order arrived this week as well! I've seen a lot of pictures on IG lately showing off peoples "jamicures" and I was itching to try them. I was invited to an online party by a friend who started selling them and promptly put my order in (it was a sign right? Hmmm). The thing I'm most excited about is using them on my toes. I can never keep up with my toe nail polish and I hate when it looks all chipped but it's the last thing I ever feel like doing. These are supposed to last up to 6 weeks on your toes so I'm set for the entire summer! 

3) I'm wanting to finally make our backyard a place I want to spend time in. It's not terrible but it's just...not done. It's been on the back burner since we moved here and I'm in DO mode!  I've recently organized the hall shelf, purged and cleaned the basement, and cleaned out my closet donating 12 bags of stuff. Time to tackle the outside! We raked all of the leftover leaves this week for a start and I've been planning a few changes as well. I really wanna focus on gardening this year so were wanting to make a few raised beds, plant a cherry tree ( we planted a peach two years ago), plant a few raspberry bushes and just do some minor pretty-ing. Nothing major just little touches. I'm excited that we finally got started!

4) Me and hubby had a lovely spur of the moment date night this week! I got sent home early this week from work and we decided to make the most of it. I donned my new $5 sandals (oh yeah!), we went to our favorite mexican restaurant, meandered around Barnes & Noble, and grabbed yogurt town afterwards. Lovely, lovely. 

5) My friend loaned me Divergent and I'm probably more excited than I should be. That is all. 

Hope you had a great week!

Easter

I had a wonderful Easter! My family were all in Wisconsin this year to see my baby sister Bliss' church program so me and my husband spent the day with his family. The day started with me working nursery for our church's first service then me and Josh enjoying the second one together. I am so thankful for the time to truly reflect and rejoice in what Christ has done for us and to remember that no matter what season of life we are in, that we are blessed because we are His! Hallelujah! 

From there we went home to finish cooking and preparing the food we were taking to Mama Kay and Papa Eddie's (my in laws). His mama was feeling a little bit under the weather so my sister in law and I decided to make everything and bring it to her home. I made the ham, a green bean casserole, and this AMAZING lemon pie. It's definitely on my top 10 favorite desserts. I'm one of those chocolate is the only worth while dessert kind of people so that's saying something. 

Aaaaanyway, we had a lovely day together just laughing and enjoying each other's company. 

Later that evening  me and Josh had leftovers, ate goodies out of the Easter basket we made for ourselves (that's right, the cadburys come but once a year), and watched the Easter Parade. Perfection. Hope everyone had a lovely weekend!

Health & Hope

This post is a kinda-sorta follow up to my last. At the risk of sounding like an 80 year old lady,  I’m going into detail on a lot of the health issues that I’ve been dealing with. I do this in the hopes of encouraging others in their journey to a healthier lifestyle and to simply say that you are not alone. As you can see in my previous post, the road to diagnosis can be a scary one. I am thankful for the opportunity to share my story and to turn fear into hope.

I have had chronic back pain since the age of 9. I can remember sitting in my 3^rd grade classroom rubbing my upper back to ease the pain that resulted from (I'm assuming) the unusually small chairs we had to use. We were using a preschool room at this point because my very small school had to utilize the space it had. I can remember going to the pediatrician but not receiving an answer other than growing pains. The pain continued and got worse and worse as time went by. I still have it today. The only way I can describe it is this: Imagine an intense aching and tightness throughout your upper back and shoulders and neck. You go to rub it to ease the pain but you can’t. The skin and muscle that surrounds this area is numb. You have to pinch until your fingers shake to feel and relief and that is short lived because your hands ache from trying. And there it is. Over the years I have identified what makes it flare up or worsen and have adjusted accordingly. It’s still there but I can control it to an extent. What I’ve been describing is fibromyalgia. I was diagnosed when I was 19 although I knew from around age 14 I’d say. Both my mom and grandma have it so it was pretty easy to diagnose. I’ve noticed it had worsened this year. I now have what feels like a tooth ache on both my hips if I sit for more than 10 minutes.

The other health issue I’ve been struggling with has been a Candida overgrowth. It started about 3 years ago. A Candida overgrowth occurs when the good bacteria in your body loses to the bad. This can be the result of too many antibiotics which wipe out the good bacteria along with the bad as well as just an imbalance in your gut due to diet. Candida feeds on sugar and I have definitely not been abstaining from it. When Candida takes over your gut It’s not pretty. I’ve dealt with psoriasis, chronic yeast infections, and an overall feeling of lethargy on a regular basis for quite a while now.

The way this ties in to my previous post is the diagnosis I was given. PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome), Insulin resistance, and Hidradenitis Suppurativa (infected lymph nodes). A lot of the symptoms that I was experiencing from these conditions were what pointed me to breast cancer. Now that I know that this is not the case I am both relieved and determined. I found out from my doctor that the sugar levels in my body were messing with my hormones, causing the PCOS. My sugar levels were obviously causing my insulin resistance as well, which causes its own round of symptoms. High sugar levels can also contribute to the frequency of hidradenitis suppurativa because of the havoc it reeks with the hormones.

Since finding out about the PCOS I’ve been on two prescriptions. The first cause so much damage to my stomach that I am no won medications for acid reflux disease. YA THINK I SHOULD QUIT THE SUGAR?!?!?!Doesn’t take much to figure out huh? But it’s hard. Like HARD. At least for me it is. I eat and love a lot of healthy foods but I’ve always had a sweet tooth. But…so what? SO WHAT?! I mean look at the damage I’ve allowed to happen to my body in the name of satiating a sweet tooth! I’m 26 and have more wrong with me than some people twice my age. Enough is enough!

 

I know what I need to do, honestly I’ve known for a while. My grandma and mom have practically begged me to clean up my diet, both having experienced firsthand the terrible results. Whole foods, no sugar. That’s what I need to do. But saying and doing are two very different things. Prayers would be appreciated as I start this journey to better health. Honestly, I don’t know everything about my health issues and I suppose some things could be out of my control but I want to take control of what I can and not be run by my emotions. My body is a temple of the Holy Ghost and I need to start treating it as such. I know this is something that God wants me to do and that He will give me the strength to accomplish. I will be documenting my progress on Instagram  @brittainytanner using the hashtag #brittainygetsfit if you want to follow along. And please don’t hesitate to ask questions, share your story, etc.! Do you have any of the same health hang ups as me? Are you on a health journey of your own? I’d love to hear about it!

Love & Prayers,

Brittainy

Faith Over Fear

So, I want to share something that has been a big part of my life for the past couple of months and that is the battle between fear and faith. As you can read in my about me page, I have a personal relationship with Jesus. He has been the one to carry me through and to provide for me at exactly the right moments.

Everyone experiences fear at some point in their life. This is a revelation to no one. But there are certainly different levels, and that is something I’ve been learning to deal with lately. I have never considered myself to be an abnormally fearful person. Shyness has always been a part of me, from my earliest memories, but not fear.  At least not the all-consuming kind. The thing is I tend to lower my guard against attacks that I’m not accustomed to and start to think that I am somehow above them if I haven’t yet faced them. I have learned how foolish that is. I have friends and family that struggle with fear on a fairly regular basis and have told me about their experiences. I never felt that I was better than them for not having that struggle. I have plenty of my own for sure and just never bothered to think that I might need to guard my heart against that as well.  Because we all know ourselves completely at the age of 26 (insert eye roll here).  

Anyway, this all started a couple months ago. I started to notice some changes that caused me to wonder about breast cancer.  It was a Wednesday morning while I was getting ready for work. I had noticed the changes while I was in the shower and was now drying my hair, panic running through my brain.  I kept thinking “how am I going to get through my 10 hour work day with this weighing on me?” And then I knew. I got up, walked to the side of the bed and knelt down. I feel like I always underestimate the power of actually getting down on your knees. I don’t think I ever consciously thought “I’m not going to do this” or “I don’t need to”, I just don’t really do it. But the Spirit in me spoke to my heart that I NEEDED to that morning. And I did. It felt much more intentional than a hurried prayer out the door, with everything from my damp sweater pulled from the dryer to my burnt eggs distracting me as I go. That morning I truly surrendered everything to Jesus. My fear, anxiety, dread, whatever the outcome may be if my suspicions were true, everthing. I got through the rest of that day just fine. I told my husband that evening what I had saw and what I was feeling, and other than that it was out of my mind.

The next morning I missed my alarm and had to eat breakfast and put my makeup on in the car only to hit a 2 HOUR DELAY due to a jack knifed semi. I did try to pray in the car during the delay but was feeling distracted and my heart wasn’t as in it as it had been the day before. I made it to nap time and then I did the stupidest thing anyone can do in this situation and started Googling my symptoms. Well there was no doubt in my mind that it was cancer and 15 minutes before the kids were supposed to wake up I started SOBBING and COULD NOT STOP. I mean full blown panic, and at the same time worried that the kids were gonna wake up or my boss would walk in.

As it happened, my co-worker walked in to ask me to cover her room at the exact moment I threw my head down in my arms, the sobs barley muffled. AND I AM SO GLAD SHE DID. She immediately came over to ask what was the matter and I just poured out all the feelings, both embarrassed and relieved. She asked me questions, gave reassurance, offered suggestions, and told me that she wanted to pray with me after work. Do I have the best co-workers or what? It was enough o get me back on track and reminded me that God provides and loves on us even when we put our trust in Google instead of Him.

 

I had been able to get a doctors appointment scheduled fairly quickly and by this point had told my parents and grandparents (who live 30 seconds around the corner from us) what was going on. As me and my husband pulled into the parking lot we saw that my grandparents had showed up for support. It melted my heart to have my grandpa walking into the OBGYN with me. Just precious. As we sat down, I could sense everybody’s anxiousness. I just wanted an answer and so did they. I needed to KNOW something, just a starting point. I had all these fears piling up from the unknown, from Google and I hated that they were feeling that way too. I am so incredibly loved and I have been so blessed by my husband and family that to think that they were feeling that fear for me, the same I would have for them if the situation were reversed, killed me.

And then I just happened to look up, and framed on the wall was a print of this verse:

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as the sufferings of Christ abound in us, so our consolation also abounds through Christ. – 2 Corinthians 1:3-5

And my heart had peace. I quickly pointed out the verse to them and I could feel the peace that passes all understanding wash over them as well.

We came out of that appointment with two more appointments scheduled for that day, which was both comforting and terrifying. By the time we got home we were exhausted. We had 2 doctors who were unsure to the point where they ordered tests but said that their opinion was that I was fine and an ultra sound tech who denied me a mammogram because of my age.

I received a very reluctant ultrasound during which (I learned later from a second ultrasound with a different radiologist) she pushed much harder on my sore lymph nodes than she needed to (the second one got a perfectly good reading without me flinching once) and she didn’t even bother to label it so that when I actually did get my mammogram and had to show them my results, they had to redo the whole thing. The only information I was left with was to try changing my deodorant or detergent. Both things I had already told them I’d done. I felt dejected, unheard, and embarrassed.

The day after the first ultrasound was hard. The first half of the day I kept really busy. My husband and I cleaned the house extensively which kept my mind occupied but as soon as we slowed down the tears came. I was frustrated, scared, and depressed. Thoughts of "what if the worst happens?" kept running through my head. I sat down with Josh, and as we talked I could see my fear was infectious. We were both in a pretty dark place when suddenly my phone rang. It was my nana. She said she felt like she needed to check on me and asked how I was doing. I could barely choke out "not good". She told me to come over immediately. We wiped our tears and headed over. We were greeted with hugs and cups of tea. They held our hands and prayed over us. We stayed there for the rest of the day, soaking in the love, encouragement, and wisdom and went home that evening renewed for the week ahead.

I ended up with a clean mammogram but still no answers as to what was going on with me. I was frustrated and simply afraid of the unknown. Why didn't anyone have an answer?! I tried to keep up a positive attitude but it was hard. I wasn't myself. I would do pretty well at work with the kids to keep me busy, it was the evenings that were the worst. My mind wondered so easily. I eventually made one more appointment, hopeful that they would give me answers and it didn't disappoint. I'll write more about that later because 1) this post is already massive and 2) I would really like to go into more detail eventually, in the hopes of encouraging others through these issues and maybe offering help and answers as well. 

I was absolutely blown away by the love, and encouragement shown to me during this time. I received beautiful, encouraging cards, texts from friends who I hadn't heard from in years, constant calls to check in on how I was dealing with things day by day, prayers in staff meetings, and my sister and brother in law even made a special trip to deliver a book on fear, worry, and anxiety. The lessons I've learned through this experience are invaluable:

1) My nana has used this analogy before but I've never needed it more. She told me to imagine whatever burden I was carrying, in this case fear, as a heavy load on my back. Then imagine God's throne and imagine yourself kneeling down at his feet and letting that load slide off your back, over your head, and disappearing. You stand up strong and free and full of love and thankfulness towards your savior and ready to continue your journey. The thing is, this is not a onetime thing. We tend to keep going back for that burden, knowing even now how horrible it felt. She told me to imagine this scenario as many times as you need to be it once a week, a day, or in my case a few times a day. A hundred if need be, if it is what gets you to surrender that burden to Jesus and be filled with His peace. I remind myself of this often.

2) Don't go through it alone. I tried to keep my concerns bottled up, afraid to worry others and afraid I'd sound like a hypochondriac and it did nothing but hurt me. I truly found out the depth of support that was around me and experienced how it felt to be the one lifted up in prayer, encouraged, loved on, listened to, and taken care of. I NEEDED it and they so badly wanted to provide it. The people who truly love you want to share in the good AND the bad. Let them.

3) Jesus shows up big when you let Him. As I think back on the whole experience I can see God providing for me each step of the way. A friends support and prayer, family calling at just the right time, a Bible verse popping into my head at exactly the right moment, a card, a smile, a shoulder to cry on. Whatever I needed, God knew and he gave.

Thank you for taking the time to read this long post. I feel that my experience is trivial compared to the sufferings of others but God was able to use it to teach me so much, and I share my story hoping to help someone else. My love and prayers go out to anyone who is experiencing fear right now, It is a heavy, debilitating burden and I pray you would let Jesus take it off your shoulders, He WANTS to.

If you have any questions regarding my experience or how I'm learning to manage fear please don't hesitate to email me. I'd love to help!

Love, Brittainy

High Five For Friday

Just stopping in to share the highlights of my week. It's been a big mix of exciting and terrifying. I'll list the good stuff but I also would like to share a couple prayer requests. My mother-in-law has had issue with blood clots ever since her heart attack about 10 years ago. This past Tuesday she went to the ER and they found a small on in her right leg. They put her on blood thinners and she is ok now but please pray for healing and strength to get her through. She has a hard time walking as it is and uses a cane because of a clot in her left leg so it's going to be yet another hindrance on her mobility. But God is good and he will get her through. ON THE SAME DAY my grandma called me crying saying she was going to pick me up with papa. Me and my husband jumped in their car not knowing what was going on, terrified. She had been sick with what she thought was a sinus infection for about a week but wasn't getting better with antibiotics. In the car she could barely say two words together. She was so weak and out of breath and apparently it happened all of the sudden. SO to the ER we went. She was there for about 6 hours and by the end was feeling a little better but with no answers as to what caused her fatigue. She is going to her follow up today and all prayers would be appreciated.  WHEW! now on to the fun stuff:

1) Me and my friend go to go see Casablanca at a 3 story theater in downtown Birmingham this week! Apparently it was Turner Classic Movie's 20th anniversary and to celebrate they decided to do a special showing of Casablanca. They chose 8 theaters around the country and thankfully one was only an hour away! I'm a huge fan of all things 40's and we grew up on old movies so it was especially cool to see it on the big screen. And it was fun to drive around Birmingham afterwards too, I definitely want to go back and explore.

2) I put my Easter decorations up! I love decorating for all seasons and create little traditions to go with the decorating to make it extra special. For Halloween it's cinnamon bread and watching the nightmare before Christmas or Young Frankenstein, Christmas is hot chocolate and the Muppet Christmas Carol, and Easter is all about Cadbury eggs and Easter Parade. Also, I love throwing back the curtains and opening the windows to get a real taste of spring time and was thinking that would definitely be out of the question this year BUT lo and behold it was 50 degrees! Bam. Perfect Easter decorating weather.

3) Tea! I found this awesome tea at Homegoods and it just makes me happy. Me and my nana always drink tea when we're visiting so I'm excited to see what she thinks of it.

4) My mom's in town!!! She planned a surprise trip up here with my little sister Bliss to visit my grandma after her ordeal earlier this week and I'm so excited! I haven't seen her since Christmas and I'm looking forward to some quality mommy time this weekend. This pic was taken when she got in last night at 10:30 pm. Needless to say we were all in prime condition ;)

5) PI DAY IS TODIZZLE! I'm throwing a Pi day party (3/14, get it?) today in potluck fashion where all the guests bring a different pie. And were having pizza pie. so excited.

Happy weekend!!!

 

Snow Day

      I was on my way to work yesterday morning when this happened:

The TOW TRUCK got stuck. It was blocking the on ramp to the freeway so I snapped this picture and sent it to my boss and she told me to just turn around and go home. Best boss ever and snow day for me! So without further a due, here is a list of the wildly unproductive things I did with it.

·         Took a bubble bath, candles and all. I want to find an actual BUBBLE bath though. I always just squeeze some body wash under the running water but that equals approximately 3 bubbles. BUT I did have this wonderful lavender-coconut oil sugar scrub my friend made me as a gift and that totally made it! But I do think it's time to bring Mr. Bubbles.

 

·         Snuggled down with the hubby and watched Selena. Odd choice you say? Well I’m a quarter Mexican {My mom being half and my grandma all} and in my family you WILL love this movie. I spotted it at Target for $5 last week and snapped it up because I just couldn’t not and since we literally had nothing better to do {shoveling snow doesn’t count} we watched it. And I cried. Like I do every time.

·         Started Rainbow Rowell’s Attachments and so far I really like it. I’ll do a review when I’m finished. And yes those are spaghettios in that cup. Apparently this weather is severely impairing my food judgment. It was a delicious 50 degrees yesterday and I could practically smell burgers in the air and promptly went and got one for myself. I didn’t even have the presence of mind to grab my husband something. Nope. Just me. And the bleezard today somehow had me grabbing a can of spaghettios off the shelf. I’m filled with shame and at the same time so so satisfied.

·         Went to dinner with a friend and just enjoyed some quality girl time while our hesrbernds were out.

A perfectly relaxing day that I am so thankful for! Hope you got a snow day too!

Tibby & Pearl

Pearl on the left, Tibby on the right

 

Hello! I'd like to introduce you to my two little kitty babies. Their names are Tibby and Pearl. Or as I affectionately call them, fluffy butt and little girl. These cats. They are my little rays of sunshine and never fail to crack me up. They have quite the love hate relationship. One minute they're performing circus-level acrobatics chasing each other around the house and the next they're snuggled next to each other napping. I've always been a cat person, maybe because I grew up with cats (with the exception of a dachshund and a few carnival-won goldfish along the way). I don't know but regardless, I love these two and their ridiculous ways and want to share them with you! 

 

 Tibby is just delightful.  Me and my husband adopted him only a couple months after we got married. I call him puppy cat because of all his friendly dog-like qualities. He loves company and being snuggled, he is basically a rag doll. I can literally lay him around my neck and walk around and he's totally cool with it. Oh and he is THE most talkative cat I've ever come in contact with. His dog-likeness even extends into his meow. When he gets really intense there is a distinct MOW-WOW sound that he makes and he even holds it out longer than normal.

 

Then there's Pearl. She's fairly new around here; my friend found her wandering around her neighborhood looking starved to death and knew I'd take her in, being the crazy cat lady that I am. And we did! She is just precious. She has totally adjusted to the life of an indoor cat and hasn't tried to get out once.  She is very mild mannered and loves cuddling in her own way. We call her the mountain goat. She will literally find the smallest surface on your body and settle down. Like, the end of your knee or when you lay on your side, she will go up and lay on your hip. She also likes to camp out in the middle of my back if I'm on my stomach. She doesn't want to be picked up but she DOES want to be wherever you are which is just the cutest.

So there they are my little dumplins'. I'm sure you'll see a lot more of them around here. Any other crazy cat ladies out there? I feel ya.